How To Talk About Finances In A Relationship

How To Talk About Finances In A Relationship – Financial Intimacy: How to Talk to Your Partner About Money: The Life Collection Talking about money can seem intimidating and even taboo. But it’s also the key to building a closer bond with your partner. In this episode, financial coach Amanda Kleiman breaks down five factors that are essential to a financially healthy relationship with your loved one.

Let’s set the scene: You’ve just started dating someone new and you’re really excited about it. You’ve planned a big date and are ready to get intimate. Light the candle and both… open the spreadsheet.

How To Talk About Finances In A Relationship

“When we talk about money, we don’t think about intimacy as off the table,” says financial coach Amanda Kleiman. And that’s a mistake, he says, because money can bring us closer together.

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Kleiman has been providing financial advice to individuals and couples for over 16 years. He says it’s important for partners to talk about money because money is never just about money.

He says: “Money appears in our lives at every turn as something on earth like a problem to be solved.” “But it usually reveals something deeper about something in our lives that needs to change or grow or change.”

AS. We need to talk more about money. But it is so taboo that it can be intimidating to begin with.

“I think money comes naturally if we allow it to, which makes it harder for us to think of it as a specific money conversation,” Kleiman says.

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From the first date, we navigate the money as we decide to split the check or verify that the other person is smart.

“I think the more we invite these simple conversations about money into our lives, the more we’ll find communication,” Kleiman says.

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To take the pressure off The Big Money conversation, Kleiman says, start slow. Open the conversation with the question, “How open are you about money?”

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This allows the couple to talk about their experiences with money and the values ​​surrounding it. This can lead to more difficult questions. Kleiman says that as your relationship grows, try to reflect that growth in your financial closeness.

You and your partner should have an equal say (and authority) in making financial decisions. Kleiman says that couples often seek therapy when there is inequality in the relationship: Sometimes the spouse with the higher income believes they should have more say in decisions. On the other hand, he says, a person who cares about money or is more frugal has more say.

“It can bring up a lot of feelings, sometimes inadequacy, sometimes despair, sometimes a lot of dependence,” she says. “If we treat these feelings as if they’re all good and all right, they’re all we can acknowledge and work through.”

“My partner manages money because he’s better at math” doesn’t work here. Both parties should be active participants in financial decisions. No one rules alone. No one can surrender.

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“None of this works in the long run because it hits the partner — in a sense, even if they ask — with all the risk if something goes wrong,” Kleiman says.

Financial mistakes happen, and if one person is responsible, there is too much room for blame and resentment instead of communication.

Financial information should be shared openly. This does not mean that you should consolidate all of your assets or review other people’s credit card statements.

“We can still have areas where privacy is negotiated,” Kleiman says. “We can still say that we both agree to put both money into a joint account. We agree that it’s a joint expense. And then that’s the amount we’re left with to make personal decisions.”

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According to him, access to information serves as a security measure so that everyone knows how financial decisions are made.

The budget you and your partner work on should be something you can stick to in the long run.

“For example, I had a client who really needed control and security with money, and the couple was in debt, and they really wanted to use all their resources to pay off the debt,” Kleiman says. “It made sense mathematically, but [then] the other spouse felt that the plan took all the joy out of their lives.”

This is not sustainable because it creates frustration. In the worst-case scenario, he says, an unstable plan leads to backlash from partners.

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“They do things in secret,” Kleiman says, often taking credit. “This type of activity, as you can imagine, is very destructive to relationships.

Whether you’ve been promoted, lost your job, or are starting a family or business, life changes and so do our finances. If your budget doesn’t work or your circumstances change, be prepared to change.

“I literally sat down with a couple who were eight months pregnant and they were sorting everything out,” she said. It was a source of pride and independence for them. “But now they were in a situation where that deal just wasn’t enough. And the way I asked about it was to literally say, ‘Who owns the child financially?’

The absurdity of the question, she says, helped the couple realize that their budget needed to change to meet the growing needs of their family.

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Whether you’re in a brand new relationship or have been in a relationship for a while, take some time to sit down with your partner and talk about your feelings about money.

“That vulnerability is an important part of intimacy,” Kleiman says. “The chaos, the things we’re still trying to figure out, like, when can we share this with another person? That’s really where the magical connections happen.”

We would love to hear your feedback. If you have a great idea, leave us a voicemail and your favorite has been together for a while. You’ve met the parents (and they love you…hopefully), you’ve left your stuff at each other’s houses, and you’ve even claimed it on social media! Sure, you’ve done all the public things to show others and the world that you care about your relationship, but have you taken the necessary steps to reduce the stress and drama in your relationship financially? I’ll be honest with you; Talking about money isn’t fun or comfortable, but it’s informative and important to any serious relationship.

I’m sure you googled him and scanned his Instagram page when you first met him. In addition to being curious, you’ll want to protect yourself from any red flags. Simply put, you want to know what you’re getting into. No judgement, it’s common sense and we all do it. If you were protecting yourself in the beginning, why don’t you protect yourself now that things are getting serious? Starting a conversation doesn’t make you sound greedy or snobbish. In fact, it shows that you are looking at this relationship for the long term. Former Secret Service agent and Cosmo contributor Evie Pompouras offers tips on reading people in any situation that will come in handy when talking to your girlfriend. Pompouras says, “Don’t be judgmental, even if you don’t like what’s being said. When people sense your displeasure, they will filter, hide or block information.” Remember that you both had lives before your relationship, and both of your financial decisions still reflect that. If you’re ready to take your relationship seriously, you should also be ready to take your finances seriously, if you haven’t already.

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This makes sense on many levels. This is not a situation where you are trying to find out whether he is a spender or a saver, but more importantly how he spends and how he saves. This may come as an eye-opener for you, as most people generally do not see money and relationships in these terms. Are you financially fit? Does your frugal style match his extravagant spending?

In the middle of “The Debate” you can learn things about yourself that you didn’t know before. It is easier to see warning signs in others than in ourselves. You may find areas of yourself and your finances that need to be cleaned up…not for him or the relationship, but for your own financial security.

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